Thursday, May 29, 2008

Disgusting Things That Can Be Wonderful


At first, eating dead human bodies may seem taboo. But think of what a waste it is. There are a billion starving people on this planet, you can’t tell me we’re too good to do a bit of recycling. I mean, people eat crickets. They eat monkey brains. What’s wrong with a dead human body? You’d have to make certain it was dead, of course. Go through all the standard procedures to bring it back to life. But if you’re prepared to call a corpse a corpse, bon apetit! Why let a natural resource as renewable and natural as this just go to waste rotting in the ground? And why waste money and time on all the elaborate ceremony normally associated with dying? Again, for as long as LIVE people are withering away in the gutters, it seems a mite irresponsible to send flowers and love to a dead person. It’s really insane when you think about it. What’s a dead guy gonna do with a beautiful floral arrangement and a custom-carved coffin? Absolutely nothing. And if the grieving are looking for a place and time to mourn, there’s no better place than the thanksgiving table adorned with gourmet remains of the dearly departed.


Nudism is wonderful. You might be shy, at first. You might think it’s weird, at first. But there’s nothing WRONG with it. It’s certainly not a punishable offense. You can’t say other people don’t have the right to lack clothing. For as long as you are entitled to close your eyes at immediate command, a nudist is entitled to do whatever they want as naked as they want. Naked babies are cute, but naked adults aren’t? Then stay home and don’t associate with any, dumbass. The law wasn’t established to protect the sensibilities of your petulant aesthetic preferences.


Under the heading of pansexuality I include all parasexualities. Homosexuality and every possible “philia”. What’s the big damn deal, people? If a man and a woman can get married, there’s no reason a man and another man can’t get garried. That’s right, garriage. It’s like marriage, but with a “g” instead of an “m”. Now that all you sanctity-of-marriage idiots don’t have anything to bitch about, we can start inventing new words for every possible perversion pining for it’s own institutional acknowledgment.


Suicide is horrible. You know what’s even worse? A living torture of abject existential destitution and 60 years of writhing in the thrownness of cruelty and human fault. I’m tired of suicide being thought of as it’s own problem. Here are the real problems:







All of these thing make someone want to commit suicide, but THEY are the problem, not the suicide! If you aren’t prepared to help a person, if you aren’t prepared to fix the substandard conditions of their miserable life, you aren’t prepared to tell them they have to go on living just for the sake of continuing to clog up this vastly overpopulated planet.

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